Are we sick of Rush Limbaugh yet? We might be! Crains reported yesterday that the April Arbitron report showed the conservative movement's most powerful mouthpiece -- and Sean Hannity, his much-dumber distant rival -- slumping in the ratings after the midterms:
Oh...and NOW you gonna crack on my flip phone? B*tch please, you still on a 3G!! Beyonce called, she's finna upgrade my sh*t. Who's gonna captain save you, ho?
I’m fairly certain that over the course of civilization, men and women have been figuring out and perfecting ways to piss off their boothangs at an alarming clip. From locking a man out of cave by pushing the boulder in front of the entrance early to forgetting to turn the crank on the car for a woman…pisstivity is an art form. I’m even convinced that many of us do it on purpose. I don’t even have a boothang right now but I just pissed off my boy’s boothang to keep my skills in tact. She had it coming though…how you gonna come up in my motherlovin’ establishment, eat my food, drink my wine, and then tell me Baby Boy is the worst thing to happen to the Black community since the Civil Rights Movement?
Just rude. Especially since the obvious truth is that Black people are the worst thing to happen to the Black community since the Civil Rights Movement.
Word.Life.
Nowadays, with so many means of interacting with people we probably shouldn’t interact with, we end up with lots of boothangs and love interests that we normally wouldn’t have had when IM was a carrier pigeon. Between Al Gore’s offspring, smartphones, and iPads, we communicate differently now. We BBM, we Facebook, we chat and text. Hell we spend more time talking without speaking to one another you’d think we were all extras in a Charlie Chaplin movie. And with this new fangled technology swoon comes new and improved ways to get your point across and piss off your boothang. This is actually a talent and a skill. I’ve been impressed with some people’s ability to really get under the skin of their boopieces. Now for those needing some help in this department, fret not, VSB is here to show you how we do this son.
(By the way, I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I have or will ever do any of these things. I will. Thank you and good night.)
1. Sending somebody to voicemail
Nothing illicits a ”no this motherf*cker did not” faster than hearing the voicemail greeting after the first ring. It’s just disrespectful. This works especially well if you rush your boothang off the phone and they call back. Ring. Voicemail. Death threats. Indictments. 6 foot, 7 foot, 8 foot PUNCH!
2. Changing your Gchat status from green to red or going invisible and pretending you’re not there
I don’t even adhere to people’s status lights anymore. Red is merely an indicator that you just want to talk to me and not everybody else. But if you want to piss somebody off, be mid convo and just go to busy…and don’t respond back. Or just log off altogether if you’re really gully. This especially works at pissing off women. Women do not like to be ignored, but being both ignored AND “hung up” on? She’s gonna attempt to lay hands on you later, fellas. Bob and weave, nicca. Bob and weave.
3. Take forever to respond to a text…then when they ask, tell them that you got it…via text…or blame it on your service provider
Some of you all are just impatient f*cks in general so too long could be 10 minutes, never mind that I’m enjoying a lovely stroll under a shade tree filled grove of love. Again, being ignored pisses folks off. I’ve found that women tend to be less inclined to ignore because it doesn’t really jive with their natural tendency towards creation of immediate chaos, whereas men’s defense mechanism is to supaman dat ho, then ignore her if that doesn’t work. Either way, I’ve been told that I have a tendency to do this. Tend deez. It’s AT&T’s fault.
4. Respond to a long ass email with a one word response
This is a personal favorite of mine. I’m king of taking your 2,000 word emotional spillage intended to tell me about myself, and responding back with “cool.”
Actually even that’s too much, I rarely give them the satisfaction of the extra “.”
5. Turning your phone off
Mostly because it’s just a blatant disregard for my innate desire at that moment to get some sh*t off my chest. You did it on purpose, you chanticleer!
6. Not responding to a BBM when it’s obvious that you already read it
Kind of self-explanatory here but, that has to BURN the person on the other end. I had a BB for two weeks and I specifically did that once just to see how long it would take to get a phone call…which I sent to voicemail. They emailed me and I said, “cool”. Yeah, that ended unamicably.
7. Facebook status change to: it’s complicated
Only for the truly gully, but some of you really spend too much time on Facebook. Stop it. But if you want to piss off your boothang on some Mexico versus France let’s prepare for Cinco De Mayo sh*t, just change your relationship status and watch what happens.
Those are but a few of the potential possibilities. Good people of VSB, laissez les bontemps rouler.
Educate the uneducated. Piss on you. R. Kelly.
What’s another new age way to piss off your boothang??
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka MR. I PEED YOUR HONOR, BUT NOT ON NOBODY aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
If you haven’t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, andFighting Crime” yet, what the hell is stopping you? (No, seriously.)
We’d like to thank all of you for coming through and nominating us for FIVE(fif’) Black Weblog Awards. We’re on the final ballot for Best Humor Blog, Best Writing in a Blog, Best Sex & Relationships Blog, Best Group Blog, and Blog of the Year. Please go vote for us here.
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Dating is a means to an end; either you enter a committed, monogamous relationship or call it quits. When it comes to investing in relationships, it is important to know what you want and quickly weed out people who do not want the same things. Everyone has dealbreakers, things you are not willing to forgo (see your checklist).
Too often we waste our time with people that will never meet our needs. You want to get married; he’s hesitant. He wants to have children; you don’t. Life-altering decisions like marriage, children, career ambitions and religion are all valid reasons to dismiss potential partners. It is perfectly alright for Christians to seek out other Christians and Jews to prefer Jews. Conflicting religious beliefs are not easily overcome and tend to lead to more war than peace. Since they often dictate our sense of morals and values, it is a substantial dealbreaker that should not be overlooked because someone is super-sexy or wealthy.
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Even though the United States has been socked by a terrible economy and high unemployment over the past few years, violent crimes across the country appear to be at the lowest rate in nearly 40 years. The odds of being murdered or robbed continue to go down and are now nationally less than half they were fewer than twenty years ago. The murder rate fell 4.4 percent last year countrywide, the rate of forcible rape fell 4.2 percent, and the rate of aggravated assaults 3.6 percent. Even burglary and auto theft were down. All while Americans fought off hardship and low morale from the recession. Criminologists interviewed by the Times called these statistics "striking" and "remarkable."
You know what wasn't "striking" or "remarkable," though? What happened to crime rates in New York City. Despite the national trends, the Big Apple saw "saw increases in all four types of violent lawbreaking — murder, rape, robbery and aggravated assault — including a nearly 14 percent rise in murders."
Analysts say that over the past two decades, the city had been on a steeper downward trend when it came to crime than the rest of the nation, and because of that it's only natural that we'd experience a bounce. So don't worry too much — even though the city is 11 percent more murdery than it was last year, it's not nearly as murdery as it was in the early nineties!
Steady Decline in Major Crime Baffles Experts [NYT]
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Filed Under: crime, economy, scary things, statistics
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