Is it over?? Learn to Let It Go people.

via The Female G Spot by Grafenberg on 11/23/10

Enlightened couples are coached to perpetually ask: “how does that make you feel?” We’re taught to believe that an intimate relationship is about active listening and highly evolved communication — all the time.

While we shouldn’t throw those ideals out altogether, sometimes couples say crappy things to each other. And so what if they do? Maybe it’s time we reined in our New Age urge to say everything just so, and learned the fine art of letting it go.

In a close, healthy relationship, off-color comments are more likely a reflection of a negative mood than a true crisis, according to Richard Carlson, a psychologist and author of You Can Be Happy No Matter What.

Let’s assume for the moment we’re not talking about a pattern of hostility, or true passive aggressive behavior that shouldn’t be ignored.

There is a reason unfortunate remarks are a normal part of couplehood. When you live with someone through it all — solving problems together, traveling together, sleeping together and cursing the bills together — you experience the person sans social politeness.

“The more time we spend with someone, the more likely we are going to see them in their low moods,” writes Carlson.

Don’t overanalyze the specific words and phrases made offhandedly by your mate, urges Carlson. “So often, just letting others alone while they are in a low state of mind is all they need,” he says. “The last thing they need or want is someone questioning or arguing with them.”

Not every imperfect exchange needs to lead to a therapy session, says self-esteem author Jerry Minchinton.

We tend to be more courteous and sensitive around the people we don’t know so well, he says. This is because nearly all occasions with friends and acquaintances are by definition more formal and circumspect than those with a loved one.

When we stop worrying about politeness and flattery, we start to get at the good stuff. “[Heated discussions] aren’t all bad,” asserts Minchinton. “Getting the raw material — even if some of it has to be discounted — means you are at a deeper level.”

Learn to Let It Go is a post from: The Female G Spot

 Learn to Let It Go

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Happy and Husband-less?????

via The Female G Spot by Grafenberg on 2/1/11

You won’t find a picture of Rachel Walton on Match.com. Nor will you find the 42-year-old Florida natural-health enthusiast, writer and former nurse describing herself in a newspaper personals ad.

Not that these dating aids are wrong, but “it’s not my style,” says Walton. “I can’t even imagine I could pull that one off.”

In a generation where we — unlike Mom and Dad — have had the freedom to question, to explore inner feelings, to do life and relationships differently, many of us have tried to shed the old-time societal messages.

The ’90s saw a backlash, for example, against the oft-quoted 1986 Newsweekcover story, “The Marriage Crunch,” which said that never-wed, white, college-educated women 40 or older were “more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to find husbands.”

“At times I feel lonely, but my life is not about looking to find a man,” says Walton. “If I find a man, that would be wonderful, but it’s not my goal, and it’s not going to be what makes everything all better.”

What is her goal? “My goal is to find my mission in life — that may or may not include a relationship.

“It’s a subtle difference between having my whole attention on waiting for a relationship, vs. breathing more deeply into who I am and standing in that.”

She came to a new way of being single in her 40s. Before that, the questions cropped up mostly at key events, such as the marriages of her brothers.

“At those times, it was very much, `Why does it work for other people and not for me?’” Walton says. “Then they have one child after the other, and each time, it’s like, `Do I want that, can I have that, should I be wanting that? Is there something wrong with me?’ ”

The biological clock is only one of several thorny issues: What to do with sexual urges and fears of growing old alone are others.

“At times, being single holds a quality of aloneness and solitude that is good and right,” Walton says. “At other times, being single feels full of loneliness which is, at times, unbearable.

“Waking up in the middle of the night, or when I’m first waking in the morning,” she adds. “Those threshold times can feel particularly vulnerable.”

While Walton’s 7-year-old Lab mix Mattie does provide some comfort, she misses having someone to share with day-to-day. On some level, however, she is using this time in her life — over 40 and single — as a path to growth.

“There’s some way that some deep exploration and connection into myself needs to be there,” she says. “That’s the journey, and it’s not easy, and it’s not quick and simple, and it’s not necessarily comfortable.”

Happy and Husband-less is a post from: The Female G Spot

 Happy and Husband less

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Why He Won’t Keep a Relationship With You

READ READ READ..



Here are a few reasons why you’re selecting men who won’t keep a relationship with you:

You chose what was available, not what was healthy
You may find yourself in the repeated circumstance of choosing men that happen to be in your gym, your work, your school, your area, and just men who are there for “being there” sake. Of course it’s great to meet new people, but after taking the time to get to know them, you shouldn’t feel pressure to date them. If you date whatever’s available, as opposed to seeking what’s healthy, and sorting through the stacks for true gems with great souls and a sincere interest in a relationship, you’ll find often that your “man” will not be able to sustain a relationship with you. Obviously, if he wasn’t a gem in the first place, then his inability to keep a relationship with you is a good thing–but why endure the unnecessary cycles?

He’s protecting you from himself
Sometimes, it’s just not personal with relationships. Sometimes, your pattern may be that you choose men who find you incredible and amazing, but know that they’re not worth your mind, body and soul. As a favor to you, they won’t foster a relationship with you. Relationships are all about matching your gifts to the right man’s gift. If you fail to do so, you will wind up with someone who can’t–and won’t–keep a relationship with you. This outcome, of course, is good for you, because you don’t want someone who’s wrong for you. But–why endure unnecessary trials?!

You’re too scared of letting him go
As you can see above, when a man who isn’t right for you fails to keep a relationship with you–that’s a good thing. But, some women are so desperate for a relationship, they send every indication to the man they’re seeing, that they can’t let him go. They suffocate him, they forgive him for unforgivable transgressions, and they puppy around, hoping that he will stay forever. That energy of clinginess, suffocation, fear of independence and inability to let go, can trigger all sorts of panic neurons in a man’s body. So, if you want him to stay, stand up for yourself politely and strongly, don’t have his child after two months–or as a “tactic,” check his dysfunctional behaviors without getting loud and boisterous, and be thoroughly unafraid to let him go, if he acts the fool. Given that premise, he will not only think twice about acting the fool around you, he will also be more comfortable keeping a relationship with you.

Eight Celebrity Weight Loss Divas


There’s something about weight loss journeys that’s so inspiring to see…perhaps because those journeys reveal the human side of folks, and because we simply want to celebrate their health and weight loss with them. Here are eight most dramatic weight loss divas…some are more dramatic than others, but all are dramatic, nonetheless:

Women: Is It Healthy to Not Have Any Female Friends?


Do you know a woman that proudly proclaims that she’s not friends with other women? Or do you know a woman that doesn’t have any female friends because she claims all women are “catty” and “jealous?” Do you have trouble getting along with other women?

I’m not going to say that women aren’t validated in their mistrust of other women, because the truth is that some women can be downright vicious and have made “Haterism” a religion. Just look at how women behave on shows like Basketball Wives and Real Housewives of Atlanta. It’s no wonder women are so guarded with one other.

But why do some women stab each other in the back? In most, if not all cases it boils down to insecurity and fear. But no matter the root cause, women who act catty towards other women, as well as women who choose to swear off other women, are all just dealing with a deeper psychological issue. Make no mistake- it’s not healthy for a woman not to get along with any other woman. It’s no different than when a Black man writes off all Black women because he thinks we all act a certain way.

Can I fault some women for not wanting to be friends with other women? No. Oftentimes women take this stance because of some significant hurt or trauma at the hands of another woman (or women). The notion of “I don’t get along with women” is a defense mechanism. And it’s understandable defense mechanism.

I’ve been hurt by a handful of female friends and several acquaintances throughout my life. And I was extremely guarded with women during my college years when I found out that my “good friend” was spreading nasty rumors about me. I avoided close female relationships for years because I didn’t trust women. That was my defense mechanism. And it was a defense mechanism that kept me from fully experiencing the joy of having other women in my life.

Unfortunately women hurt other women. It’s a harsh reality and we’ve all been there. We’ve been lied to, lied on, talked about, hated on, you name it. It hurts and it scars. But is it any different than our experiences with men? Think about it ladies. When a guy cheats on you, lies to you, or uses you, do you write off all men?  It’s a fact that a man can screw you over just as easily as another woman can. And if you’ve even been royally screwed over by a man you cared for, then you know how much it can hurt. You may want to hate all men, close off your heart to all men, but you don’t. Why? Because you want love- we all do. And because we all ultimately want love, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and learn to just get a lot better at picking subsequent men. The same rationale should be applied when dealing with women. It’s not about being BFF’s with all women, because quite honestly, some women are definitely not to be trusted. It’s about learning from our negative experiences with other women, so we don’t miss out on the love that other women can bring to our lives.

Women need relationships with other women. It has been shown that having female friendships boosts emotional, psychological, and physical health. And I don’t care how many male friends you may have, or even if you have one of those really cool token “gay husbands” that make for a great shopping buddy, when all is said and done, every woman should strive to have at least one female friend that she can proudly claim. And if you don’t, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. Having male friends is cool and all, but it can never fully substitute for the health and happiness that comes from a bond of womanhood.

Have you ever been the target of “catty” and “jealous” women? How did you handle that?

Do you think it’s healthy to not have any female friends?

If you liked this article and want to know more about our writer, Dr. Phoenyx, fan her on Facebook! Dr. Phoenyx is a young woman who passionately believes in “women empowering women.” She is a physician, writer, & media personality. And her goal is to educate as well as entertain with her witty, thought-provoking commentary on issues that matter to women.

Sexy 101: Eight Things Men Find Irresistible


Although men are essentially visual creatures with tenacious appetites for sex and anything that looks, sounds or feels like it, there are still a few things that top their list of irresistible factors when it comes to women. These small things can turn a bad situation good and an intense argument into a love fest. Of course sex appeal isn’t everything but it can undoubtedly draw a man even closer to a woman. Surprisingly it’s not just parading around in sexy, suggestive lingerie. Instead it’s a combination of both the physical and mental stimulation that makes a man find you irresistible.

It’s the small things that you already possess, the things that make you different from him that are oddly intriguing, effortlessly sexy, and can only be produced by a woman. You were born a woman for a reason…now rock your inner sexy!

Here are eight things that most men would agree they find sexy and irresistible in a woman. Consider this your ‘Sexy 101’.

Independents, Democrats would vote for Charlie Sheen over Sarah Palin

via All Salon by Drew Grant on 3/18/11

As much of a crazy warlock as Charlie Sheen is, most Americans would probably not want to put him in charge of our military and nuclear arms program. Yet according to the results of a new poll by the Democrat-affiliated Public Policy Polling firm, registered Dems and Independents would still vote for a guy who hasn't slept in two decades over former Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin by a significant margin. Independent voters gave Sheen a 41 percent vote to Palin's 36 percent, while Democrats amped it up a notch and put her at 24 percent versus the guy filled with Tiger Blood, who'd win with 44 percent of the vote. Another 21 percent of Americans polled said they were "unsure" whom they would vote for between Palin and Sheen.